Speaking Japanese is HARD

Hahah funny story, yesterday a lady at church told me my hair looked like honey :)))) hahaha and the week before I definitely caught the bishops daughter drawing me when we were over at their house for dinner with one of our investigators. Also I have been asked twice if my hair is natural. Hahaha and this week at Eikaiwa the sweetest old man pulled me aside and told me not to be afraid to try to speak Japanese. He pointed to my hair and said they can tell you don't speak Japanese, so they will be patient with you. Hahah something to the extent of that. So ya that's something I need to work on: speaking more. It's rough though cause I don't even feel like I have that much to say in english to begin with hahah. But i know there's no such thing as plateauing in my progression. Plateauing just means I'm actually starting to roll backwards, and I hate that feeling it's such a waste of time.

But ya so this week I was sitting in a lesson at a member's house and I realized this distracted 3-year-old understood more of what was going on in our lesson than I did. It was acually pretty funny but then I started to feel brain dead after another 2 hours of trying to understand the conversations going on. So I guess you could say I was feeling a little discouraged. But then later that night the lady who had had us over for the lesson called us and explained that when she was taking the discussion there was a sister teaching her who also couldn't say much but she said she could feel that missionaries love and that made a difference for her. Then she told me that she felt that love from me for our investigator and told me not to worry so much. That was such a relief. I don't know how to describe it but it was exactly what I needed and I felt so much love and comfort at that point. 

But here's the thing: from that point I was faced with a decision. I could choose to continue on in that state, or I could choose to ask the Lord's help in magnifying that love by trying harder. Helping her feel loved is all I want to do, so i could say mission accomplished. But I was reading this thing called the 4th missionary and it basically talked about becoming the person you want to be (and how to do that). So I wrote up a goal about the kind of person I want to be and I realized I don't want to summit there. I don't know if that makes sense all the way but there is so much we can do as children of God. We have so much potential to just be wonderful beings filled with love. So basically this week I had the realization that I just need to get out of my head and show people I love them in any way I can because that's the only way to improve in anything. Faith, hope, and charity, the keys to growth. :) moroni 7.

Also when I was feeling discouraged and like I just wasn't good enough I remembered my favourite chapter 2 nephi 4 (specifically verses 19-21 (replace tansgressions and sins and things with weaknesses, or anxieties, or fears)) and I realized Nephi felt that way too at some point. But Nephi let that love I was talking about fill him up so he could find hope and keep going. The Lord has faith in us, He has provided a way, so just keep trying. Stop worrying about all the things that beset you, and stop comparing yourself, and go towards the summit. Thy faith will make thee whole. So ya, there's some insight into my brain and goal setting and what makes up some of my resilience とおもいます(I think). I don't know that probs doesn't make a lot of sense but I know if I work hard and learn the things I'm supposed to learn on my mission I will become more like the person I want to be, because I know that it is already part of who I am a little bit. It is part of my divine potential and divine nature.

I really don't know how to explain it but it makes so much sense after studying the scriptures. Look for that in the scriptures. One day maybe I'll be able to articulately bear my testimony in a language, but it would seem that that day is not today.

And here is a picture getting to wear pants for biking in the rain.